Episode 2 Spain

Episode 2 Spain

22 days back in Ireland, and all the papers, offices and   the boring stuff out of the way and i think it has taken too long!!!!I arrived back stressed, unwell, underweight emotionally weak.

I worked hard analysing and putting this right, It always takes three weeks to get fit, mind and body, always does!! So now I have to have that balance when I’m left to my own devices in less than one month. This year has to be run on rocket fuel, focused disciplined and filled with fun, I have relied on other people to fill my contentment, happiness for far too long. I want  relationships with a healthy dose of positivity and laughter, without relying on that to alter my contentment and peace,.(right thinking with a degree of tightrope walking). Nothing must take more than 50% of the cake.

Today was the first day I haven’t been waiting for somebody else to make a decision, and I felt lost.

So who is going to take that on, ME. For too long I have only felt comfortable,( total lie),  in my comfort zone in chaos, fighting back the tide. When it comes to me deciding, for me, blank. So here is the real challenge. Last year was a completely brilliant survival course and I think I passed with flying colours.

Now I am looking forward to whatever is planned for me art wise, not a clue what he has in mind. Where it will lead or for that matter what qualification, if any I may obtain. At my stage in life i have to keep this fire lite and not think who or what is taking me down this path. It just feels right.

I have come to the conclusion that grew and grew in Spain. I am liked , Im’ not going to change cause life gives me a smack now and then, and it is about time I liked myself enough to know when and when not to kick myself .This is the most liberating time of my life!!!!So many thoughts and mainly positive, wow!!!

Revaluations chapter 3 [scoll to bottom of page to start Spain]

Scroll down to bottom of

page to start Spain blog

                                                                                          

I said all along this journey something’s going on, very strange. It is now the 21s June 2am I am on the 9^th floor overlooking the Mediterranean.Playing music 6 people on the balcony chatting.

That is a good intro. I came here 15 years ago, actually 6 kms in land.  we, my wife and daughter, stopped at a really quiet place,  Rotova . This was after 1500 miles of motorway in hot august weather , really energy sapping. After arriving and resting we walked up a lane, filled with the sounds of crickets,steaming hot with a smell of roses and fruit, can still smell it!

After slowing down, and taking in the perfume I suddenly decided I was sick of all this travel and my life had to change, very strong feeling, it’s only taken 15 years!!!

I don’t really think I will ever see so many coincidences all crammed into such a short space in time. All pointing inthe same direction. I said I wanted to feed my soul, I didn’t receive any tuition, but I learned an amazing amount about me and got a tremendous spark in my art, there is something in the light and shadows that makes you want to draw or photograph. Really got quite obsessional, but enjoying every minute. the latest news is that Gandia has appointed a professor to do a project, for next year, So fingers crossed!!!!

Next week I have to step out of this world, only for a short while, I hope. As usual I am working on a shoestring, but at least I have come away with hope, what more do you need!

And if this blog sounded a bit depressing at times, here is a little clip that takes that away.

but it had the flip side………

and what a flip side.

to be continued………………

Revaluations chapter 2

College

I am really not sure that I want to point fingers, it seems like everybody at the moment is just doing enough to keep their jobs and the enthusiasm that you occasionally see from staff or teachers is missing. There seems to be a failure at the top, the whole idea of passing on knowledge has been eroded by cut backs and extra work loads having no time for the fundamentals. People have been really friendly here, but have no real power to change the system, and the information you receive always is followed by  contradictory  information from the next part of the process, probably driven by another set of agendas. Today’s task is very basic, clean and repair faults at my apartment in order to get some of my deposit back.

The Spanish test yesterday just proves my point, virtually everybody failed, and including those who were able to avail of an intensive course before lessons began, not for the Irish. There is another test next week to try and pull a few through, thus protecting the Spanish teacher’s back. I will be there and who knows, either way my Spanish will be good enough soon. Just received a reply, only those that were just under pass level can re take exam???

This is an experience I would not have missed for the world, but today all the other parts of my life that are negative are screaming at me, hence a big clean up, I don’t allow this mood to side track me into a standstill anymore and tomorrow I go to Valencia blind to knock on doors again, looking forward to that, I don’t think I am asking too much to fulfil my true ambition and the feedback I have received from all my art work here has given me confidence in my abilities, something sadly missing in me for all these years.

I really cannot take a step back now, this is my time and if I have to become a nuisance, if that is the way to get there, that is the way it will have to be.

REVALUATIONS Chapter 1

This has been unreal, difficult, joyous, revealing, painfully, ultimately rewarding. I have never actually been on my own and comfortable with me, that I think is the same for many people. When my friend Derek made me go, because I was so depressed I could not see what he knew that I didn’t want to look at many things that have been slowly killing me and my spirit. This will make sense to some people.

I met three people that struck all the right cords, and will push me forward.

The nomad leader, Lasin.  I sat with in the Sahara desert on my birthday talking about life into the early hours  ”live your life, be happy, be helpful, smile”.  Bob Marley reincarnated, coolest guy I ever met.

Erkki Muhonen  

http://www.myspace.com/erikstill/music/playlists/my-playlist-329634

This guy was a visitor to a Norwegian friend of mine, (he is another book waiting to be written). I talked to him for ages, very damaged, very quiet we talked about music and art and how it had to be you. He only reluctantly plays four covers, the rest originals. I wondered could he walk the walk, judge for yourself, his voice has moved up a gear now. There are so many screwed up talented people not making the most of brilliant talent, I think everybody knows a few.

Runes (My Norwegian friends) uncle , yes another Norwegian!,  75 years old, a sick man, but with a proud strong genuine smile. He took on and won, in the last few years Esso and the British government about windscale. He and his acquaintances and friends stopped oil exploration in his locality, look at it!!!!!. He smiled the widest when telling me of his meeting with Tony Blair, when brought a box of cod to 10 Downing Street. I have been invited to lofoten,(NORWAY), I hope I see him again.

These three will be my base from which an idea has sprung, and while I said there was three, it really is five, because two in Ireland kept me sane

 Derek  with his cryptic texts when he would not hear from me. Everyone of them giving me instructions that made me smile. Simple stuff that I knew would help, but wouldn’t, couldn’t do?. So I received several of these kick starts, thanks mate.

Last but certainly not least. The  biggest man in the world.

Jeffrey Kelly.                    http://www.myspace.com/vulgarieloquentia       Certainly very damaged, but driven, on his own path always. He now has  Erkki to promote on the airwaves and is just about to launch a new radio station. We all need each other, us damaged people, when I ranted about a childish thing that is not for puplic consumption,  I was extremely close to a hospital bed because of it, I received from his sick bed, he has two years of cancer treatment coming up, the following advice.

Hi Paul’

“I know the feelin’ ~ fuck’em all ~ and think about yourself….

I can’t keep a thing down ~  either water nor food ~ ain’t crapped for a month…my nose and throat bleed all the time…then, I’m sick all over again…can’t even smoke, dope.

Ah! Well, Shit ‘appens and then ya’ dead with no-one givin’ a rat’s arse especially your greater family…

Catch ya’ later, bro’”

You do not meet these people on Facebook, just a message to everybody who thinks that is socialising!!!!

Get out there and find the talent and help it to become something, small groups will change the world now, because the old way just fecked it up for the last time.

TRIP TO IRELAND & UK

29^th April 2011    GENERAL

JONI MITCHELL         BOTH SIDES NOW

Since my last entry and now, I have had the most awful depression and deadness of thought not wanting to contemplate going back to my old life. I have made tentative applications to do what I want to most, go to the Fine arts school in Valencia, so the biggest battle is going to be bureaucracy, but I run through brick walls when I want something, so here goes. This whole trip has been a revelation to me, a time to look at my life and me and in this respect it has been a painful but ultimately rewarding experience I have now become contented and happy with me. The trip back to uk was eventful, rapid and constructive, it also contained  some personal pain but there is a strength and drive in me i have not known for many years and the drive is motivated by completely new aspirations.

COLLEGE

Holiday two weeks, really hard to say what this experience here has to do with college work and is now something to complete in a few concentrated days, certainly didn’t provide a spark in my creativity, I have found in the main that other students have been more than helpful in this respect and their knowledge has been passed to me as I have done with them on certain things they wouldn’t have experienced, this has been an eye opener into buck passing and communication problems from institutions , in spite of that we have integrated well with the college and staff.

BACK FROM MARRAKESH

Back from Marrakesh April.

GENERAL

CAT STEVENS    YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT

We arrive back in Valencia ten minutes too late for the last train, so it’s a taxi 40 miles to Gandia, didn’t need that and its three in the morning when we arrive. Sunday is a right off, in a daze, but look through my 480 pictures of Morocco, brilliant

COLLEGE

Happy to be back and try to discuss with our Spanish teacher our problems, she apologises, but has nothing available for us to do. She agrees that without a basic course it is virtually impossible for us to follow her class, but we will still attend to show willing. The people here are all sympathetic but are unable to do anything extra to guide us, not frustrated any more, but happy to make them aware of our circumstances.

10,april 2011      Back to the same old drudge, it is so nice for that not to be the case, Gandia is so different from uk or Ireland and it feels  good to be back, Marrakesh attacks all the senses and while not much makes sense here there feels some order to the place. The challenge of remembering I am here to study is hard to apply with the sun streaming in most days. This is not helped by the lack of pressure applied by the laid back teachers. I have decided on past experience of Spain at Easter to go back to irl. And uk, don’t want to, very settled here, but have a few loose ends and enquires to make, but for someone who is always restless to travel the thought of it is not something to look forward to.

MARRAKESH

29^th March My birthday, so its off to Marrakesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

REDEMPTION SONG – BOB MARLEY

GENERAL

Not really sure what to expect, but here goes. Arrive in Marrakesh just in time for a wonderful sunset, good start and the negations start with the taxi, and everything else after that has to be argued, we , soon get used to it. The taxi drops us off in what seems like Beirut, chaotic, crowded, spicy smells, strange music and a guide a minute looking for a few Dirhams . First night head for the central square, never seen anything like, you would have to go to get a feel of it, dark alleyways in the medina, but everybody is really friendly and there is no sense of fear. We stay around this area for the next day and night taking hundreds of pictures, its mind blowing.

The following day we head for the Sahara on a full mini bus, via the Atlas Mountains, it takes ten hot hours to arrive, just in time for another brilliant sunset.  Richie tells the nomads it’s my birthday and they distract me, I’m called back into the tent, they have filled a bowl with sand, stuck candles in and spell my name with sugar lumps, best cake I ever had! Everybody sings happy birthday.lThe rest of the tourists go off to bed, very tiring day. Me and Richie give the nomads some drink and talk with them until the early hours, it is a fantastic experience especially talking to the leader Lasin, the coolest guy I think I have ever met. He tells us what it is like to live in the desert and wants to know about Ireland and all the time they have Bob Marley playing in the background, this is one of the best experiences of my life. I could not begin to tell you what a profound effect on me. The whole time, four days would fill many pages and will stay with me forever.

COLLEGE

I don’t know what new to say, the lack of progress in Spanish is the worst aspect for me,new  information comes from other students and  in my case my new mentor Lola, who works at the university, tell us of immigrant courses run by the local council. On the subject of mentors I have had three, they stay until they have enough English to complete their presentations and then disappear. Three months into the course, this information is good for me, but too late for the exams, The college web site advertises 130 course in English and we struggled to get 3?. I have no intention of ranting, but there has to be an opening for a local to help with this, we have been frustrated at every turn and feel let down by the system and will do our best in the circumstances. I start to prepare examples for the college festival in May. I hope the next students have a better back up, because this was not rocket science to organise our college life here.

OFF TO MARRAKESH !!!!!!!!!!

25/3/11     RIDING ON THE MARRAKESH EXPRESS

                     

 

GENERAL

 

It has been a cracking week or so with all the festivities, I think the big difference is the acceptance that I can’t change anything in Spain and with that integrate with it and all its differences.  I am speaking with more locals and the frustration we have encountered and it is exactly the same for them.

Next week, it’s my birthday. Another one! I am going to MARRAKESH!!!!!!!, what next?. Yes for four days, it is only 90 minute flight from here, but light years in reality and I think it will be quite a shock to the system. I think if I can keep going with the flow and stop finding fault I will be able to soak up all this time has to offer. The weather for the first time is steamy today, it has been great up to now, but there is a difference today. The weather for Marrakesh is forecast to be in the eighties, (about 27 centigrade) and we plan a trip to the Sahara!!!!

COLLEGE

Much the same when it comes to offices being open when they are supposed to be. Today the language school wanted me to go and talk about any difficulties I might be having with learning Spanish. I went at the appointed time, Closed! They say they will be open between 5-7pm as well, so I will go back then, but for a change I accept this is how it is here. I want so much to be reasonably fluent by the time we finish. I have had a revelation regarding this, while I think I am articulate but have always had trouble with grammar, and the same thing is tripping me up with Spanish. My vocabulary is getting better every week, but the Grammar. There is past, present, future and now permanent and temporary tense to learn. I am going to do this!!!!!! I go back in the afternoon, speak well in Spanish and get my point across and now have extra lesson in the basics. RESULT!!!!!!!

PADDY’S DAY

17^th March Paddys Day

Ordinary Man  Christy Moore

GENERAL

Went to Valencia for fallas, I have been to Valencia many times and always missed the Fallas. Left on a coach at 11am with the rest of the Erasmus students, unbelievable amount of people trying to get into the city and it takes an age, but the atmosphere is brilliant.

The first thing you notice, it is a party day for all ages and the relaxed way the people are even though it’s crowded. It is to celebrate the end of winter, right on queue the sun comes out and its 23 degrees. For the next 15 hours we walk constantly seeing and photographing everything and with our Paddys day hats on the Spanish go out of their way to greet and talk to us.

The whole thing culminates in a massive firework display at 1 am, and the locals tell us there will be a bigger one on Saturday. This was probably one of the best days I have had in a long time, absolutely wonderful. Saturday was not the same, so what, Paddy’s day will live long in the memory.

DEPRESSION

                                                            JON MARTYN

  May you never lay your head down without a hand to hold

 

   

                                                               GENERAL

We are her six weeks and the depression I feared hits me like a ton of bricks, I go quiet and do not want to talk to anybody, I take on anther tandem (exchange student), in order to help with my Spanish, but feel I will never get it, the next Spanish lesson is just a case of trying to avoid eye contact with the teacher, not a good feeling. I have to come up with something soon to be able to ignore these negatives, because my confidence is now low. It is now time for that chance meeting to change my perspective.

This week starts the holidays for the fallas, marches and fireworks should provide opportunities for photography. Why am I so unbalanced and what am I going to do about it?, this has now become my challenge, I am at a crossroads and will come up with the answer and solutions, for many years I worked on my own and didn’t have to wait for others, I think I have to take the initiative and stick to it.

                                                    COLLEGE

 I went to international office to volunteer and sign up for festival, closed for the week. No comment, don’t feel any part of it!

NEW APARTMENT

End of Feb 2011 new apartment + parties+pego 

GENERAL

I have my girlfriend here for two weeks and of course this helps to put things into perspective. I wish she could stay, but she has her priorities. The new apartment is just perfect and of course the social life continues, I still don’t have an angle on this because everything goes on to late and leaves me recovering for the next two days. This blog sounds completely negative which is not the case, for me the whole experience of being here as been brilliant, but the college problems have me questioning whether to continue with the course. I have a need to keep achieving and this is not doing it. I and Richie feel we have to take charge of this and discuss what we can make in relation to multi media. I want to leave this place with a contribution to Gandia and improve my skills. I continue to try and improve my Spanish with other students, I must have two or three hundred pictures by now and some sketches so I am not sitting on my backside, others seem to be happy doing the rounds of pubs and clubs, in my interview for college I said art was good for my soul, and it’s not being fed.

COLLEGE

Much the same, we volunteered to help with the festival and heard from a fellow student, we have to estimate costs, buy our own materials and apply for a refund? Back to the office to find out what that is about, even though I don’t want to go and start dealing with any office again while I am here. It is going to take something special to take the bad taste from me regarding the bureaucracy here.

FRUSTRATION

WALKING DON MADISON – KIRSTY McCOLL

GENERAL

Wednesday, 10.25 train to Valencia. I should be attending a class this morning, on a subject I have covered before, but have been so frustrated by mañana, (tomorrow). I am going to Valencia to soak up some of the real Spain and clear my head from the frustration of being here for a month gong from office to office only to find dead ends.

Yesterday after a week of e mails to find a photography course in English, we attended a class only to find it will all be in Spanish, we ask for an assignment we will do ourselves, the lecturer considers this and takes another week to decide she can’t give us one!!!!!!!!!!!!  The balance of work and play just isn’t happening and while the social life is brilliant I have neither the money or inclination to continue with little or no direction.No courses defined, no Spanish lessons, no help, so it is now time to take the initative and select what is going to suit me, hence Valencia this morning

I take about sixty pictures of this fabulous city and update my journal, for the first time in weeks I feel this was a positive, creative, day.

We are moving apartments on Friday, a larger place with a roof terrace. Nearer the town, associating with the locals, hopefully this will help with learning the language. We have done pretty well for a month in an apartment the size of a hotel room, without a row; I didn’t think we would be able to do that, so there are good aspects. I will just count my blessings and have faith that this experience will bring a new direction to my life.

COLLEGE

The feeling of frustration has diminished, which is a pity. I say this as we have now given up and are resigned to a semester of where no academic sparks are to be had, the pictures and sketches will have to be my inspiration, and it would have been good to be taught some new tricks. My whole heart was in this and will have to make the best of it. The system is difficult enough to battle in your own language. If this was ever investigated I am sure all responsible would be able to justify themselves and I am not having a go at any individuals, I personally need guidance and have no problems in asking, these are not earth shattering problems, but the whole episode concerning the colleges and lack of communication are bringing on a depression which I have to avoid at all costs. . A week later the reply from the photography tutor is she can’t give us a project, the graphic design tutor takes ten days to tell us the same thing, surprise, surprise!!!!!!!

COLLEGE STARTS

LOOSE YOURSELF  – EMINEM

GENERAL

The college eventually starts and we have now exhausted all the paths we thought we were going to take, and are resigned to take subjects that really don’t inspire. Talking to other students that have been on Erasmus before the pattern was the same for them, the conclusion we have come to is that is the way it is and just go with the flow. The saving grace for me is the escape route of photography and sketching, Gandia playa is a tourist resort full of modern apartment blocks and the need to see the real Spain is a car hire or train journey away. I do both and show Richie some of the mountains and Valencia, truly beautiful places.

My heart really wants me to come and live here, but how to do it? I feel it will happen, but as usual in life it will be some chance meeting, something unexpected to make it happen. I love the people, the style, the atmosphere of Spain, but like anywhere you need to earn a living so my mind is very concentrated on this at the moment and learning Spanish to a proficient level has become an important part of this. I now have a tandem partner (Spanish student who has an interest in learning English), to help me with this. At least with the start of the college some balance has come back into my life.

COLLEGE                                      INDUCTION DAY

Hopefully some of our questions will be answered, no! It’s all about booking outings to festivals and Ibiza. We meet some Norwegians who seem to have been better organized, but have the same problems regarding courses they were told would be available. Over the next while we become friends with them. The only useful information we seem to be getting is from other students. It’s taken me three years to get a balance in my college life, which is slowly being eroded by all this frustration.

GANDIA 2

1/2/2011   

Change is going to come – Sam Cooke

GENERAL

The Spanish are so laid back, which is brilliant until you need to obtain information or paperwork. We arrived early in order to be prepared for the college and I have some basic Spanish. I have a smattering of Spanish, but the others have none. I spend weeks calling into different offices to try and get Spanish lessons. I even put out adverts in Spanish to no avail. This pattern repeats itself in all aspects of obtaining college passwords opening bank accounts, ordering internet, very frustrating. There is also a big problem to get some idea of what course content we can have, the communication and reality of what we want to do are vastly different, this also leads us into problems with our own college, who will not pay us our grant without the modules being sent to them, We keep going round in circles. I owned a property in Spain some years ago, so I know how it is here, but the lack of structure has taken away the balance I need in my life in order to feel I can make the most of this experience.

COLLEGE

This is now taking everything to low ebb. Not only are we totally depressed after the latest changes to our modules, creative?, I don’t think so, Film comedy (silent films), History of Design, intermediate Spanish, I have some Spanish and feel lost, and the others are bewildered. The tutors are honest enough to say they are monitored and being pressured enough without taking on problems like us. We volunteer to help with their festival and are still waiting to know what we are to do. I personally think we have all been going at this all wrong, Spain is frustrating and the patience has run out and with it the enthusiasm.

GANDIA

NEW SONG TYLER  UB40     1/2/2011 

GENERAL

We stayed in Alicante for the night and make our way by bus to Gandia.The difference in the weather is uplifting. I have booked an apartment for one month while we look at others that will be our home for, the next four months. As a mature student, probably the most mature in Gandia, the generation gap freaks me out for a while, I see no students of my generation. On our induction day we meet up with some Norwegian students, one of them is a mature student and it’s brilliant to talk to someone on a similar path. The girls have arrived from Ireland and are burgled in the first week, Richie’s laptop blows up so everybody needs my laptop for emails, etc. That’s ok because they all must be really depressed by their start in Spain. I intend to socialise with everybody and attend all the Erasmus events (drinking parties), i don’t drink and it gets very boring when everybody gets drunk. I have not been keeping these hours since I was their age and it takes time to get use to this life style, it will take me some time to get a balance here.

 COLLEGE

We have arrived a month early, firstly to learn basic Spanish, shouldn’t be difficult to arrange in Spain!, and secondly get the partying out of the way before the challenge. The mentor programme soon becomes apparent that it’s not going to work as we find out the mentors do it for credits, but as they are taking exams they have no time for advice. We go forward with enthusiasm and become regular visitors to the Overseas office, who are very welcoming and tell us what is available and we fill all the forms, we pester them for answers and start to get worn down by tomorrow, tomorrow.

TO ALICANTE

]

Bitter sweet symphony   The Verve

GENERAL

Today I meet up with Richie; we fly to Alicante  from Liverpool. This journey started for me on the 22/12/2010. First to England to see my father and then to Brighton to see my girlfriend and start travelling , first to drive to France then on to Spain.  It’s cold and snowing, but I am confident and happy to be travelling.

By the time New Year came, instead of the plan A, I am now travelling alone and I get the news from Ireland that my house is flooded. It takes me ten days to clear up the mess. A few friends really stepped up to the mark and help me store what is left of my possessions and I stay at with a friend until it is time to go to Spain. I am that depressed I contemplate not going, but am talked into it, and go despite what I feel.