Episode 2 Spain
22 days back in Ireland, and all the papers, offices and the boring stuff out of the way and i think it has taken too long!!!!I arrived back stressed, unwell, underweight emotionally weak.
I worked hard analysing and putting this right, It always takes three weeks to get fit, mind and body, always does!! So now I have to have that balance when I’m left to my own devices in less than one month. This year has to be run on rocket fuel, focused disciplined and filled with fun, I have relied on other people to fill my contentment, happiness for far too long. I want relationships with a healthy dose of positivity and laughter, without relying on that to alter my contentment and peace,.(right thinking with a degree of tightrope walking). Nothing must take more than 50% of the cake.
Today was the first day I haven’t been waiting for somebody else to make a decision, and I felt lost.
So who is going to take that on, ME. For too long I have only felt comfortable,( total lie), in my comfort zone in chaos, fighting back the tide. When it comes to me deciding, for me, blank. So here is the real challenge. Last year was a completely brilliant survival course and I think I passed with flying colours.
Now I am looking forward to whatever is planned for me art wise, not a clue what he has in mind. Where it will lead or for that matter what qualification, if any I may obtain. At my stage in life i have to keep this fire lite and not think who or what is taking me down this path. It just feels right.
I have come to the conclusion that grew and grew in Spain. I am liked , Im’ not going to change cause life gives me a smack now and then, and it is about time I liked myself enough to know when and when not to kick myself .This is the most liberating time of my life!!!!So many thoughts and mainly positive, wow!!!
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